You’re bound to find good potatoes in you dig into Topeka. That’s what “topeka” means in the Kansa and Ioway languages, according to Wikipedia: “To dig good potatoes.” But if you Google Topeka (or is it Topeka Google?), you will be caught in an infinite loop in which questions like “Why does Google say Topeka?” will cease to have meaning. For you see, Topeka is Google, and Google is Topeka. In honor of that capital city of Kansas (that happens to have changed its name to Google, as well), Google has changed its name to Topeka. Don’t let it twist your brain into a Möbius strip. Thankfully, before that could even happen, you’d need to iron it ahead of time. But first you’d need payday loans to buy a home surgery kit.

All roads lead to Topeka

If Topeka wasn’t an everyday part of your online life, it will be now. Topeka, Inc. Chairman and CEO Eric Schmidt quotes Google Mayor Bill Bunten on the Official Google Blog that “Even Google recognizes that all roads lead to Kansas, not just yellow brink ones.” Adjust your Element Zero grammar scanners accordingly, since that was before the Google April Fool rift in space-time. By their logic, no matter where you go, there you are in Topeka. While that may actually be possible with a Topological view of the cosmos - one where the entire universe is compact and connected - it would take some time to arrive in Topeka, after you’ve left Topeka. You’re in for some good BBQ, so long as you make it back for Kansas Day on January 29.

Wait, Topeka was Google only temporarily?

I hope Topeka has more resolve to stay the course. As it stands, Mayor Bunten unofficially changed the name of Topeka to Google for a month, in March 2010. A previous name for “the capital city of fiber optics” was “Topikachu,” for the Pokémon franchise that teaches children that animals can be crammed into small metal eggs. Topeka stepped up considerably when it became Google, even if it was a ploy to try to get the company to drop its highest-quality fiber optic lines there. Ideally, Topeka would have officially become Google so that the population could personally serve search results to every Topeka searcher in the U.S.

Google feels ‘a kinship’ with the Great Plains city, says Eric Schmidt

Even heavy floods and tornadoes can’t hole a good Topekan down. The giant search engine equates that with releasing 2.0 versions of software, which only works because this is a Google April Fool. Alfred E. Neuman is a typical man of Topeka. Neuman’s kind of “What? Me Worry?” attitude is what inspired some of Google’s stirring creations, like Google Buzz. Just don’t forget that they “aren’t in Google anymore,” reminds Schmidt. It is unclear whether he wrote that before or after he was attacked by flying monkeys.

How will Oliver Google Kai view the rebranding?

Maybe his parents will sue. Oliver Google Kai could get a name change with help from mommy and daddy - he’s only four years old - but why would he want to? Topeka is spud nomenclature, and nobody wants to be called a spud unless they’re 1986 NBA Slam Dunk Contest champion Spud Webb or need serious debt management help. Although Schmidt has already said that Topeka will receive no special favors regarding the ultra-high-speed broadband project, this whole Topeka-Google love fest certainly seems like a technological slam dunk.

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